BAYJAY

INFJ

INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear and confident vision, which they then set out to execute, aiming to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.

INFJs are quiet, private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Although very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner.

INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life, which they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions, and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types. However, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and so tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal this except to their closest companions. INFJs may “silently withdraw as a way of setting limits”, rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset.

INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired. Yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition.

Take the test below. 

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

Kids, this is the story of how i met your mother…

So I’ve been single for about 3 months now and the pressure of finding someone hasn’t let up. Its not that i’m trying to actively find the “one” or even anyone, but instead I feel the need to. I often ask myself why. Relationships are tough. They are physically and emotionally strenuous, taxing, and demanding. You’d think that after 10 years of being in a relationship with one person, that i’d re-wire myself and close off completely. Unfortunately, I can’t. Reminders of what once was, and what could be again, are everywhere. From movies, tv shows, random couples at places you venture to, the reminders are everywhere. I started watching How I met Your Mother shortly after my breakup to pass the time. It struck a nerve in me on a fundamental level. I began to relate to each male lead character on some level, which is why I think this series is now one of my favorite, besides the fact that its awesome. 

I’m a Ted, I want to be a Barney, and one day I hope to become a Marshall…

I consider myself a hopeless romantic. It’s the Ted in me. Its what my mother and father have instilled in me since birth. Their relationship picturesque. Hardly a fight, love that you can feel filling any room that they’re in, and the ability to work through any situation, together.

Now that i’m single, i want to explore life, and women. This is the Barney in me. I just find it difficult to approach them in the same way that he does. I could never mislead a woman with the intention of spending one night with them and then leave them in the cold the next day. But wouldn’t it be fun? (sorry ladies) I think that all men wish they could be that type of guy. It is something that we can brag about, boost our egos with, and use to cover our insecurities. Trophies or Victories, if you will. But at the end of the day, or next morning I should say, you’re alone.

I’d be happy in a monogamous, fulfilling relationship. One where you and your partner connect on many levels. Interests, views, and character to name a few. This is the Marshall in me. Ted wants what Marshall has, and deep down somewhere in the deep dark crevices filled with single malt scotch and the memories of the women who’s names he’s long forgotten, Barney does too. In this game of life, this is the end game. To be able to take all the feelings of love, hope, and fulfillment you have bottled up inside and be able to share them with a partner fully. 

So where am I now? I think that in order to live a full life, you have to take something from all three. You have to live life, love, laugh, have fun, meet many people; but be sure you never forget the end game. So while being in a relationship can be physically and emotionally strenuous, taxing, and demanding, you can take solace in the fact that you’ll meet someone who is worth enduring all of those burdens for. And if you’re lucky you’ll find someone who will make life feel LEGEN….wait for it, because I am…DARY. Legendary.   

These Castle Walls.

When you have your heart broken by a girl, it is easy to fall in “love” with the first girl that will give you even the most minuscule amount attention. Anyone that can fill that void left when that piece of you is no longer. It happens at work when someone takes the time out of her day to talk to you, at the gym when you see a female looking at you from the corner of your eye, or even in the streets in passing as subtle smiles exchange. We yearn and long to be loved. I believe at the core of this requisite for love, is an underlying insecurity. For me, it is risk. I’ve never been the type of guy to approach a girl first. I am  too shy, and perhaps too insecure. I fear rejection, and I loathe the thought of having to conjure up small talk. Often times, it is the fear that what I have constructed in my head, so true and pure, will not live up to the reality of that interaction. I could never date a hot girl, I’m far too insecure. I guess part of this has to do with my general distrust of people. I would have a hard time trusting her, as well as trusting them. Them, being others out there like me, men. So I cower, and retreat into my head where I have control over what happens. I’ve also come to realize that I’m never good with first impressions, something I am trying to work on. I can exchange the pleasantries, perform all of the gestures, but often times I find myself zoning out midway. I leave that interaction wondering what just happened, and what’s worse, forgetting a simple name I was just given. My walls have been built so tall and so thick that you have no way of getting in without me entering my 1,000,000,000,000 digit combination, removing the 50 hacksaw resistant pad locks, and finally opening the 5 ft thick— lead door to lead you inside. It is my hope that one day  I will find someone who will be able to take down these walls, brick by brick. Or even better, someone that will brave the treacherous ascent, climb over, and help ME slowly tear down these walls.

So I figure that this time around I should find a girl that I can really mesh with. Both in personality and in interests. Often times we try to mold someone into something they’re not, so why not save all the trouble and just find someone we truly want to be with? I’ve been compiling a list of characteristics, hobbies, and physical attributes that this next female candidate should have. Here is that list:

Personality and characteristics

Kind – bubbly – assertive – head strong – adventurous – spontaneous – family oriented – goal oriented – courageous – down to earth – a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets – gets along well with kids -  comes from a strong and loving family – strong sense of humor – positive – caring – ambitious  

Hobbies and interests

Dancing – tattoos – cars –  motorcycles - snowboarding – jet skiing – rock climbing – fixed gear – technology – art – fashion – classical music – hip hop music (not hip pop) – traveling – food – philosophy – current events – going to concerts – jazz music – working out – cooking – writing – reading – k-pop music – sports – The Office – comedic movies – guitar - piano – singing – laughing – life

Physical

BOOTY (lol) – a half sleeve (no tramp stamps please) or rib cage tat – lip piercing – unique hair style or color – eyes you can get lost in – soft skin – no hammer toes – nicely shaped eyebrows (no sharpies) – a smile that can brighten even the farthest reaches of the galaxy – 5’5” or shorter

Damn. Does a female like this even exist? I have a feeling I’m going to be single for a long time. lol.

Ex. Not X.

In retrospect, I must have acted like a child when you left me. A child which had its favorite toy taken away. Kicking, screaming, and fighting. Focusing only on the object which taken away from me, and how the loss made me feel. But as the time passed I started to focus on the why. I still do not have a definitive answer, but I’m slowly starting to uncover the pieces that will help form and solve the puzzle.

A month ago, I had it in my mind that we would meet at our spot, the Fire Station park, on that bench overlooking the park, and somehow reconcile. That maybe when I drove there, you’d be waiting. The kind of scene reserved for romance movies filled chalk full of clichés and fairytale endings. Delusions of grandeur perhaps?

Thoughts are whirling through my mind this morning. But oddly enough, I’m not that sad. I almost feel bad, that I don’t feel sad. *queue a Rascal Flatts song in my head* I think that the process of moving on, as dictated to me by numerous books, has helped me immensely on this day. So what was once a day of celebration, will not be a day of mourning, but merely another day. A normal day. A Thursday. A day in which at this very moment I’m sitting in my desk at work, staring out of my window as I usually do. My headphones are on, and I’m streaming my Frank Sinatra station courtesy of Pandora. A day where I’ll exchange pleasantries with coworkers, eat lunch, drive home, cook myself a meal, watch TV, sleep, and then repeat.

R.I.P. Us

1/6/2001 – 11/30/2010

The New Knew.

A brand new year. A brand new outlook on life. Who would have known that I would be where I am today? Certainly not I. If you asked me how my life would be today, 2 months ago, you’d receive an answer that was completely different than the reality I am living today. If you asked me 3 weeks ago, I’d tell you that I was trapped in a lonely, desolate barren wasteland, with no hope of escape and no way out. Well today I can tell you I am exactly where I want to be. Not in the geographic sense (I miss you Vegas!), but internally. I am stronger, I have regained my faith in people, and I have a positive outlook on life once more.

My trip home was everything I could ask for and more. I attribute my new outlook to the family and friends that have helped me through this seemingly impossible time in my life. I am truly blessed to have each and every one of them in my life. I’ve realized that everything really does happen for a reason. Sometimes a person is taken away to make room for someone better, or to teach you to be a better person. I’ve also realized that you should cherish all of your relationships, not just with your BF/GF, but your friends, and family. Life really is all about your connections with people. Take the time to understand people, to love, to help, to let go, to be vulnerable, to laugh, to cry, to forgive, and to forget.

LML.